1879-08-29; Clare County Press

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VOLUME II.
r "- . (lb
CLARE, MICHIGAN,,FRIDAY, AUGUST 29, 1879.
NUMBER:!
ft"
-e
The" Clare   County Press.
... ISSUED EVERY FRIDAY AT
"Cxjs&e, Clare. County, Mich.,
—by— '
ALVABO F. GOODENOUGH.
Acfflv&E^sirmg ISlsiti-ep.
The following Table of Advertising Rates has
been carefully arranged according to a plan based
on space REQuiRE-a and time continxted. Special
care is taken to set up and arrange advertisements
In a systematic manner, thus malcing them more
attractive thari when jumbled together.
TABLE OP ADVERTISING SATES.
<        nwk
2 inch $1.00
z in      1.50
3 in.      2.00
4 in 2.50
j£ col 3.00
% col d.00
s   col IO.CO
2 wk
1,50
2.25
3.00
3-75
4-So
9.00
IjJ.OO
4wk
2.50
3-75
5.00
6.25
7-5°
14.00
20.00
2 mos
3-5°
5-25
7.00
8.75
10.50
2Q.OQ
3O.OO
mos 6 mos i yr
10.00
15.00
2Q.CC
25.00
3O.OO
50.OO
80.OO
4.50
7.O0
g.OO
11.25
I3.5O
25.OO
3S-00
6.5O
r.ooo
13.00
16.00
19.50
35-oo
50.00
1 Business Cards, 3 lines $5 per year; each, additional line, {Jr.
.Lbcai. Notices—Rates prescribed by Iat?.|
'Locax. Notices—10 cts. per line each insertion.
Ati. Advertising payable quarterly ia Advance.
;;■'      business cabbs.        \
B. U. WHEA.TOS. O. "W. PEE.BY
WHEATOH & PERRY,
E„A'W'2'I3I2I©,
CLARE,       -  -   -       MOH.    *
Al! busis-^ss intrusted with them will receiv
•tarompt attention. Collections made and Real Ee
iateb&ughtand sold. Office Maynard Block,Iv!ain St
It'
eitf, Sewing Machine Fixtures, efc, Clark
fpf .110.1¥".,JEFFEBIES, Judge of
\l3T Pros ate and Justice Ob the Peace, Clare.
Special attention given to making collections.   Of-
■ *e- on Main Street.
,:^p EO. J. CUMMINS,
'' Ai^orney-ai-Law and /Solicitor,
Go^$MoHse Building-, Farwell) Mich.
*(TS dCABTEBLIM,
Attomey-and-Coimselor.-at-Law, and
Counselor & Solicitor in Chancery,
(hurt Mouse Building, Farwell, Mich.
DT C. BODGE, Justice of the
QLo Peace and Notary Ptblic, Vejxkon, has
' Good Fabmjng- Lands "fob Sale
-    Cheap.  Titles Perfect,  -
Terms Easy.
. H. O. Dodge, PBWEiiii, Mick.
(pl'.'H* SUTHEBrlrANB,.'
Notary Public & Insurance Agt.
Bf o&ey to Loan
BY E. L. M.
¥.;
S. COOLEY,
DEALER IN
Harness, Whips, Robes, & Blankets.
The best assortment of Trunks and Traveling
bags in town, and prices the lowest.
THE BEST OF MATERIA! USED.
All work  warranted.   Repairing done  promptly
I will sell cheaper than can be bought elsewhere in Saginaw Valley.
IgUBEN' SMITH, '
NOTAB Y PUBLIC.
Heal Estate and Insurance Agent.
MAKIIIS, WKDiai.
Particular attention paid to looking land, estimat
ing pine timber, adjusting trespsasses and paying
taxes for non residents.
Manhattan Fire Insurance Company of New York
Strong and sound, with low rates.
B. JEFFERIES,
DEALER IH
FRESH a SALT MEAT,
Fresh and Cured Fish,
Fine Groceries and General
Farm Produce.
Cheapest T E A in Town !
0 Cash paid for hides.
MAIN STREET, CLARE.
HOTELS, LIVERIES, &c.
■^E^FTmSxrUR^r^EWLY
Refitted, Neio Proprietor.
ST. JAMES HOTEL,
\T. IK. IBI&tDW'BS, IP*r©]p>.,
MOUNT PLEASANT,   MICH.
First Class Accommodations.   Good Sample Rooms
tor Agents.  Good Barn.
TCTARWELL BILLIARE HALL,
FARWELL, MICH.
FXNEST~~CIGARS,
Pure Wines, Liquors, Ales, Beer, Porter, Cider, dEtc.
Those desiring a pure article are invited to oall.
HENRY NEWTON.
iUMMERS & NEWTON,
Proprietors of the
FARWELL  LIVERY.
FORSES & CARRIAGES
TO LET.
Parties conveyed everywhere in  this
■ *        section and vicinity.
,CS"f-Terms reasonable.
"OAGLE HOTEL,
Coral, Montcalm Co., Mich.
A. FRED GOODENOUGH, Prop.
A irextimpeirs'mee HtoTmse.
This is a new house, neatly furnished, convenient
to the trains, with good accommodations at reasonable prices.
©(LT<D>in> H„HVlSm.'2' A'TtPTTACIHIISl©.
Her face is like a flower.
• Her skin like a peach in bloom.
Her teeth, like snowy petals,
Buds faafe. bloom and breathe in June;
HerftS$&flghts np the Bhadows,
HetfMss ST8 Me a rose that is red,
Her bresfchi like the dew of morning,
From the roses deep is shed.
Her hair falls in golden glory,
Like a sunbeam o'er the snow;
Her voice falls soft on even's air,
So soft and still and sweetly low.
I saw her first in summer's time,
A snow--white wreath upon her hair.
Apple-blossoms, -white and pink—
Fairy Mignon, divinely fair,
Ihe snow sank low on western hills:
The air was red in ruddy glare,
While she sat "neath the apple-trees,
Her face so sweetly pale and fair.
Oh! Mignon, sweet Mignonette,
Give me grace to live o'er that hour
To see again that sweet flower fall—
To feel again thy mystic power.
Pair, fair, regally fair,
A crown of gold, her sun-kissed hair.
. y_.   The apple-buds break once again
Their hearts, like tinted shells of sea,
And'neath the trees, in the old-time tryst,
Sits Mignon, blithe and gay and free.
Sweet Mignon 1 the breeze caught it,
And I sighed to think it but the wind.
No,'tis the whip-poor-will calling me—
" Kiss her, Mss her; do not mind."
lips touched lips, like the roses red;
Hands are clasped in love's stronghold,
While her golden head was bending low,
And vows were whispered and shyly told.
MlBWAtTKEE, Wis.
CMJM ALMAo
BY BELLE MOHTIGELLO.
It was a large, old-fashioned farmhouse, but very pleasant it seemed, with
its broad piazzas extending the entire
length of the building, the narrow-
paned windows set in deep, oaken frames,
and although it was late spring they
were still shaded- by rich crimson curtains." The large bay-window was filled
with rare plants, freighting the atmosphere with their fragrance.
A cage of canaries hung near, chirping and twittering as if in answer to the
merry swallows that flew past the open
window, busily engaged in building
their nests under the drooping eaves. •
Stretched at full length on one of the
benches that ran along the side of the
piazza was George, the only son of
Squire Barrel!.
George had Been practicing lawin the
city for two years or more, but spent
several months of each year with Ms
Tfe® old house seemed dull and lonely*'
~*-,-"-r—f V-  s -*•
" I suppose, Darrell, I might as weE
make a clean breast of it; so here goes:
Xou are aware that Uncle Marmaduke
has always given me to suppose that I
was to be his sole heir, and has fitted
me to take charge of the entire business
at his decease, consequently unfitting
me for anything besides. Should he
withdraw his influence, my circumstances would be bad indeed. Knowing this, I have humored him in all his
whims, which are legion, until this last
one; and now, if I refuse to comply
with Ms request, I lose every penny of
Ms money and will be compelled to
earn my own support as best I can. 1
tell you, George, it is rather hard to
know you have to start out empty-
handed and make your own living, or
else, to humor an old man's foolish
whim, you must embitter your whole
life. J3bio hard I never knew until today !" thinking of Alma as he spoke.    .
0 "What is this whim?" asked George*.
" It may not be as foolish as yon
imagine."
"As I imagine.'" echoed Walter,
" Can it be otherwise ? 'Hay, it it?
cruel to try to wreck ones whole life in
order to please an old man's fancy. He
has ordained that I shall marry, tod has
seen fit to select the bride, and, by
heavens, I will not submit!"
"Who is the fair lady?"
"A Miss Vane, daughter of Gerald
Vane, an old classmate of Ms, who, dying years ago, left her in uncle's charge.
I have never_met her, and, to escape
this meeting, l came down here.    Her
father left her no property, and she is
at the mercy of the old tyrant, as well!
for either one, on refusing to comply* f
with Ms request, forfeits all claim on Ms '
property.   But he tells me that she^s-*
ing very much impressed with my por-* =
trait, is not averse to  the, marriage. I
Bah!   The idea of having to wed such]
a designing creature for the; sake of &;
few paltry dollars,   Never I* ■ -'
"But you have never seen her," re- t
plied George.   "She may not be what1
your imagination has predicted.   .
"Nevertheless, I would relinquish sH'
claim to her, and told uncle so, but he A
says unless the' marriage. is cdnsum^'
mated, Ms money shall go toa;lound' >
ling hospital, and holds out the idee
to me that it would be cruel in me to re '
fuse, saying she would be left to th'
cold eharities of the world*; while Iwoulc
have either to beg or starve.' He' take
a fiendish delight in tormenting ske, an-
•I almost believe < she is in league wit",
him.   However, he hes fisvenms UiT' '*"
l
•T
- -y>y:>
„»*>-,
>-£, i'-^n f ;•; /"' s^T *\7_.<,J.C">
wwk" her" presence; aaa'cl" W"hafied"wifer'
delight the arrival of a distant cousin
whose visit was unexpected. She was
now seated in a large arm-chair near
Mm, and, in true girlish fashion, was
teasing him most unmercifully.
"Don't, Cousin Alma!" he cried, as
she pelted him with the flowers with
wMch her lap was filled, trying to sMeld
himself with Ms newspaper. "I?ll take
it all back and declare I never said it,"
for he had just been telling her that the
women were all humbugs, and that it
would be policy to have them transported to the Fiji islands, where it
would be impossible for them to practice their arts of witchery.
She was in the act of again deluging
him with a floral shower, her blue eyes
sparkling with miscMef, her ruby Hps
parted in a silvery laugh; her yellow
hair, escaped from its confinement, was
thrown back from her snowy brow and
rippled over her shoulders.
George, peeping up from behind Ms
newspaper, was admiring her loveliness,
when they were both startled by the
sharp click of the gate, and a quick,
firm tread on the graveled walk.
Before she had time to retreat, Alma
found herself face to face with the
young gentleman, a stranger to herself
but not to George, who sprung quickly
to Msfeet, exclaiming: "Walter Howell ! from what cloud have you dropped ?"
Grasping Ms hand cordially, he
glanced upward as if in search of the
supposed cloud.
"Welcome to Darrell farm! It has
been a long time since you have honored it with your presence. Not since
we were college chums together, eh ?"
Then turning to Ms fair cousin, who
from astoMshment had remained motionless, looMng more like a statue of
Flora than a living woman, he said:
"Cousin Alma, my friend, Mr. Howell,
of whom you have often heard me
speak."
Walter Howell, bowing low, thought,
as he gazed, that never before had he
seen a creature of such rare loveliness.
"Miss Darrell, I presume?" and Alma,
with a slight inclination of her stately
head, answered in the affirmative; then,
excusing herself, immediately withdrew, leaving them to talk over their
college pranks and enjoy their fragrant
cigars.
They sat thus talking until supper
was announced. Alma did not appear
at the table.
After supper, George led the way to
the cozy library, " where they would not
be disturbed," he said—and, although
Walter would have preferred the society
of Cousin Alma, he had not the courage
to express Ms preference—he followed
in silence.
" Why couldn't you have told a fellow
you was coming, and not take one so by
surprise?" asked George, tMowinghimself into an easy chair, and pushing another toward Ms friend.
" The fact is, Darrell, that I knew
notMng about it myself until an hour
previous to my departure"—taking the
proffered seat*
" To what circumstance am I indebted, then, for this visit? "
Sfl*.
are betrothed. Write to "her, tell her
whr,i vqu have just told me.* Or, what
wouH'b© better still, go and see the
yov.Q'jlady; perhaps you would not be
so C7£5se to the umon were you to see
her7 she added blushingly. "If she
telc:.r.-2s you, willingly, from the engage-
me;. % then I may bid you hope other-
. * Jhat?"
^.Tau must obey your uncle's wishes."
.■■* Cmll write at once.  She will surely
2# sb me.    We will be happy yet,'
dfe Mg^he cried hopefully.
plter awaited impatiently the answer
tfi' !s letter. At last it came. Eagerly
he tore it open and. devoured its
cor  -siits.   .
* "r, *3h, heavens! tMs is too much!"
p:> 3ing Ms hand to his throbbing
bs ~;,   "Alma! Alma! lost to me for-
ex, j'f
'.'lm&, appearing at that moment,
£.'!■ z I the cause of his sorrow. Point-
il? * to the letter he hjad cast aside,
'ei:,.j&sL that, and it will tell you."
inking the little missive, she read as
~3> HowsixTi—-I have no desire to disobey
I?- "aaele's cominands, as he has been very
rJtome, nor do I intend to forfeit the ad-
■%, libera that will be derived from out union
f wCore, I shall espect you to fulfil, your part
CZ -C-3 contract Your uncle bids me say that he
fi-Vjcs your presence at once.
Eespectfully, A. D. Yanb.
dropping the note into Ms hand, she
I -) i&ajroom without a word.
'Uhenext morning Walter descended
1 tho breakfast-room with Ms valise.
' George, you will bid Miss Darrell
„ J-by for me," he said, as Ms friend
. ^ed the room a few moments after.
: Oousin Alma went off on the train
j sight.  I thought you knew it.   I
. 5* m is too bad for you to leave sosud-
I s&\j.   Can't you stay another week?"
K impossible.   My term of probation
I 3 flmost expired.   I must return and
.'A±a my bride.   Even now the prepar-
l : ~m$.b- are being made to celebrate that
-. >7i unhappy day," he said, bitterly.
,  TlTringing his Mend's hand, he hur-
r   ;1 away.
Oil Ms arrival home, he hastened to
. ."*■ xoomj and, ringing for a servant,
2 3 him tell his uncle he had come.
Tiie old gentleman soon appeared,
iling and rubbing Ms hands.
A am. glad, nephew, that you have
,]0 to  your senses at last.   Make
r^elf presentable, and allow me to
lent you to your future bride.   She
l"1 ">ubtle33 impatient to see you."
' s" .. t\.';:"1 Wdiei1, GDlff^nly,
Miss"Tane mu§tra"Become My'bi-ldwj-Oi Tf:>
must bid adieu to my once fair prospects and begin life anew. But it grows
late;" saying wMch they arose and" retired to their separate rooms.
They did not see the little figure as it
emerged from beMnd the heavy crimson curtains where it had been concealed, or they would have recognized
Oousin Alma.
For a moment she stood gazing after
their retreating forms; then, smiling
softly to herself, she hastened to her
room.
The time passed too quickly to suit
young Howell. Weeks sped by as days
to Mm, as he lingered by Alma's side;
so closely did he haunt her footsteps
that George had designated Mm her
shadow. They read, sung, drove, boated, and took long walks together, he
seeming to live only in her presence.
They became almost oblivious to
George's presence. However, he would
beg so hard not to be left alone all the
time that Alma would prevail on Mm
to accompany them.
Walter was not aware how dear Alma
had grown to him until as they were
sailing together one pleasant afternoon.
She was gathering lilies that grew neax
in great profusion, when, by a sudden
lurch of the boat, she was precipitated
into the water. Plunging quickly after
her, he succeeded in bringing her to
the shore. He was sitting on tbe bank
clasping her unconscious form, pouring
mad nonsense into her ears and .Kissing
the pallid cheeks, when George, who
had been a witness to the accident, appeared on the scene and suggested that
they return to the house and seek proper restoratives.
Taking Ms precious burden in Ms
arms, he followed George, who assured
him that she had only fainted.
Under proper management Mrs.
Darrell soon restored her to consciousness, and' in a few hours she was as
strong and well as ever, none the worse
for her fright.
Walter's three months' probation was
rapidly drawing to a close. He must
soon awake from his blissful dream and
face the stern realities of life.
He was rudely awakened from Ms
dream a few days later by Alma declaring her intention of going home. What
could he do? "Could he relinquish tMs
sweet creature that seemed already a
part of Ms being, and unite Mmself to
one whom he did not even respect? " he
asked.
Otherwise, had he succeeded in winning Alma's love, how many years would
he have to wait ere he would, be able to
support a wife? Almost crazed at the
thought of losing her, he determined to
put Ms fate to the test, and sought her
accordingly.
He told. Ms story manfully; told her
of his uncle's -wishes, of Ms great iove
for her, and how he would cheerfully
toil, years if necessary, for one word of
encouragement from her.
She listened to the end without reply,
then quietly said, " Mr. Howell—Walter,
I do love you very much, but it is not
right I should interfere with your uncle's
commands, and the lady to whom you
-•/'-air—T'-.y1-
-*.™.—„.*■_.
laughingly responded, "Uncle was right,
after all."
Hasel Gbeeh, Wis.
f WO LOST CHILBEEK.
THUS W&imK®&I* BWXN<!$EZ&,
piness for life; forcing me to wed one
whom I utterly detest; separating me,
by-your cruel caprice, from the only
woman I have ever loved. Can I have
aught save a feeling of disgust for one
who would thus tMust herself upon
me, knowing full well my feelings
toward her?
"Go to Miss Vane, and tell her for
me, that I will never look upon her
hated face. To-morrow the ceremony
is to be performed. Let her be veiled,
and deeply, thut I may not be able to
see the face of one who is the destroyer
of my life's happiness. As soon as it is
over I shall sail for some distant
country, where I will try to forget my
hopeless dream of love, and those who
have been the cause of my sorrow."
"Nonsense, boy; when you see her,
I'll warrant you will change your min d,"
replied Ms uncle, not in the least impressed by tMs tragic speech, saying
wMch, he left the room.
The next morning dawned bright and
glorious, as if mocking Ms doom, so
thought Walter Howell as he arrayed
Mmself for the ordeal.
A servant tapped lightly at the door
and handed Mm a note from Miss Vane,
saying that she'was ready and awaiting
him in the library, where she wished a
few moment's private conversation before the ceremony.
Hastily obeying her summons he entered the room. "She stood, her bridal
dress of wMte satin falling in lustrous
folds around her graceful form. A veil
of misty lace covered her face and
descended to the floor. As he ad-
vanced.she said, ih a low sweet voice
that thrilled him strangely, "Mr.
Howell, I understand that you consider
our marriage a mockery; that you are
merely complying with your uncle's
request; that, while wedding me, your
heart belongs wholly to another. It is
rather late to say what I am going to,
but if you will consent to look at my
face ere you would lead me to the altar,
then, if you still desire it, I will release
you from your engagement, and you
will be free to wed whom you choose."
His hands trembled with excitement
as he drew aside the veil. "Alma! my
beloved Alma!" he cried, straiMng her
to his throbbing heart. "What does
this mean?" "It means that I am Alma
Darrell Vane, and that I went down to
Aunt Darrell's to avoid meeting you. I
accidentally overheardyour conversation
with George that night in the library
and determined to punish you for saying
such naughty tMngs about me. George
was in the plot, and we soon informed
your uncle how matters stood."
"Butthe letter?" he asked. "Oh! I
wrote it and George had the postmark
blurred, so you would be thoroughly
deceived, and. now, not wanting a bridegroom with such a rueful face, and
thinking you had been sufficiently punished, I thought I would explain."
"The reward is greater than the punishment," he said, as with a smiling face
he led her out.
George Darrell was there, of course,
and after the ceremony inquired about
Ms  blasted   hopes, to   which  Walter
ILliey Are Discovered, TLTninjiired, in a Hoi©
litty "UTeet Deep»
[From the Pottsville (Pa.) Miner's Journal.]
On Thursday morning John Henry
aged 13, and his sister Alice, aged 9
left their mother's house, near Turkey
run, for the purpose of picking berries.*
The children were familiar with the
mountain paths for miles around their
home, and consequently, when they did
not return for dinner, their mother was
not at all frightened. When the afternoon passed, however, and the shades
of Mght were falling, without the appearance of the youngsters, Mrs. Henry
became worried, and started out to look
for them. After wandering around
until dark without finding the children,
Mrs. Henry became greatly frightened,
an,d when her husband, who is a miner,
returned from work she insisted on Ms
calling on the neighbors to assist in
searching for the lost ones. A number
of neighbors were notified, and, as the
news spread rapidly, a party of eleven
persons soon started out in search of
the children. Messengers were at once
dispatched to Gilberton, Shenandoah,
and Mahanoy City, to see if the children
had strayed to either of those places.
In the meantime, the search was carried
on industriously in the hills that surround the home of the little ones, but
up to midnight no clew to their whereabouts was ^discovered. About tMs
time the messengers returned from the
surrounding villages and reported that
they could find no traces of the children. The search was carried on diligently, however, and between 1 and 2
o'clock one of the hunters named Peter
H. Mullen heard a faint cry for help
issue from a thicket on a hill just above
the village of Gilberton, and, on running in that direction, came upon an
old sink-hole, at the bottom of wMchhe
heard the children, who, in answer to
Ms inquiries, said they were unhurt,
but could not get out. Peter's shouts
soon brought reinforcements to the
.spot, and among them came Mrs. Henry,
me distracted mother, who had spent
the entire Mght in the hills looking for
her little ones. Her joy on learning
that they had'been found and Were uninjured proved more than her mind
could bear -and she fainted. As the pit
in wMch the children were is about
2£fiy*£e*3t Seep and hes perpendicular
-without a rope, so one of the party was
dispatched to Gilberton, and in about
half an hour he returned with the
desired article. The rope was fastened
around Mr. Henry's waist, and with a
lantern in Ms hand he was lowered into
the black depths of the pit. The boy
was first hoisted up and then Mr. Henry
and the little girl. The children state
that they were picking berries when the
bank on wMch they were standing
crumbled beneath their feet, and they
were carried to the bottom. Strange to
say, beyond a few bruises and scratches,
the little ones were unhurt. The boy
says the accident occurred about 9 or 10
o'clock, and consequently they were
confined in the pit nearly sixteen hours.
Fortunately, the sink-hole the children
fell into did not, like the majority of
sueh places, contain water, or they would
in all probability have been drowned.
Frightened to Death.
One of the saddest of deaths, caused
virtually by a night of terror, occurred
at No. 1014 Julia street this morning.
A little boy, named Eddie Natlic, of
timid disposition, stole a handful of rare
flowers from a neighboring gardener a
week ago, and the gardener, being very
much annoyed by the depredation,
swore out a warrant charging the child
with malicious trespass. The Marshal
who served the writ represented to the
child's parents that he was only going to
take Eddie to the Four Courts to
identify some other boys who were in
custody. In getting out of the veMcle
at the Four Courts Eddie sprained Ms
ankle slightly. He was put into jail, a
place of which he had always had a
mortal dread. He was assigned a cell
in which there was a drunken man,
wMch only added to his fright.
The man used him as a pillow, and
though tortured by Ms ankle he did
not dare to cry out or move. For
seven or eight long hours he lay in that
cramped position, too frightened to
sleep, even were he not in an agony of
pain. The night came on and the
noises which came from all parts of the
gloomy jail intensified his terror, while
the climax was reached when all sounds
died away and perfect silence reigned.
His parents, after he had been missing
for some hours, sought Mm, but the
jail office was shut up, and the mght
guards knew of no such prisoner. The
Deputy Marshal was found, and he told
where the boy was. It was 11 o'clock
when he was released, and his nervous
condition was most pitable. Such a
shock was it that he never recovered
from Ms fright till he died, although
nearly a week intervened. His ankle
swelled up immediately, and was treated by a physician, but the boy's condition was such that he could not rally,
and treatment was of no avail. His
<death was directly clue to septicaemia
or blood-poisoning, but the physician
regards the fright as the superinducing
cause.—St. Louis Bepublican.
A negro boy with white hair is the
reigning sensation in Crawford, Ga.
When the angry passions gath*ring in my mother's
face I see.
And she leads me in the "bed-room—gently lays me
on her knee;
Then I know that I wiU catch it, and my fleslt in
fancy itches
As I listen to the patter of the shingle on my
breeches. *
Every tinkle of the shingle has an echo anda sting,
nd a thousand burning fancies into active be*"-'-
spring; '
And a thousand bees and hornets "neath my 'c
tail seem to swarm
As I liBten to the patter of the shingle, oh, so
warm.
In a splutter comes my father—whom I supposed
had gone—
To survey the situation and tall her to lay it on;
To see her bending o'er me as I listen to tiie strain
Played by her and by the shingle, in a wild ana
weird refrain.
In a sudden intermission, which appears my onl^
chance,
I say:   " Strike gently, mother, or you'll split my
Sunday pants."
She stops a moment, draws her breath, ihe shingle
holds aloft,
And says:   "I had not thought of that—my son,
just take them off."
Holy Moses! and the angels, cast thy pitying
glances down,
And thou, oh 1 family doctor, put a good soft poultice on;
And may I with fools and dunces everlastingly
commingle
If I ever say another word when my mother wields
the shingle.
MOT. AS© "P©IHTo
Isn't every Congressman a .capitalist?
It is mournful to see a man more n
full.
Always    best when rare^—1
broils.
Gbeen turtles—Those that alow
themselves to be caught.
Thet say it takes a smart man to rant
a hotel; bat an inn-experienced m*am
can do it.
Building the St. Louis bridge was a
big feat; but any St. Louis girl can
show bigger feet.
The climate of Saratoga is the most
equable in the world. There is a never-
ending spring there.
SCjO(Dal-mongebs may learn tMs lesson from the frog: Once overpassed the
season of Ms adolescence, he gives up
tail-bearing.
There is one tMng about archery...
No matter how poof a shot you are, you
can always make an-arro"*v? ©scap© from
Mtting the bull's-eye.:
. We never yet saw' a. man who-hated
kings and queens bad enough not to take
a couple from the bottom of the pack if
an opportunity offered.-
An exchange says the writing ink
need by the -ancients wonld fee oc^leS
couldn't write plain, unvarnishedtales.
Professor in law recitation—"Ms.
, what is   excusable homicide?"
Senior, promptly—"Excusable homicide is when a man kills himself in self-
defense."
Careful housewife (lifting a shoe
from the soup tureen)—"La! who'd '&
thought baby's shoe would turn up in
the soup? But I knew it wasn't lost.
I never lose anything."
The Binghamton Bepublican tells
of an old lady who can't see why baseball players change pitchers so often.
She thinks they ought to get one that
would hold enough in the first place.
"Ma,"-said a little urchin, peeping
beneath the bed-clothes, "I am cold; I
want more clothes on the bed." "Lie
still, my dear," said the mother, "till
your sister comes Home from church
she's got the counterpane for an aiij"*? s
ment."
An old Highland clergyman, who ka
received several calls to parishes, aske
Ms servant where he should go. Tht
servant said: " Go where there is most
sin, sir." The preacner concluded that
was good advice and went where there
was most money.
A little boy was one day asked by a
clergyman if he knew what an implicit,
cMld-like faith was. He thought he
did. Being asked to describe it, after
thinking a moment, he said: "When
my mother says a tMng is so, I must believe it is so, if it ain't so."
It is said that Charles B-sade, the
novelist, keeps two secretaries at work
reading and clipping murders, poisonings, accidents, Tobberies, and other
"unco mournful tales," which furmsh
him with the Mnt or substance of incidents for his stories and plays.
,A Detroiter cured a long and severe
attack of neuralgia by falling down
stairs. That's nothing. Some years
ago a Norristown youth was Cured of a
bad habit of swearing by falling off <a
cherry-tree. Not a single oath has escaped Ms lips since. The fall-broke
Ms neck.—Norristown Herald.
When Fogarty got to the end of Ms
journey he folded his trunk into a compact parcel, remarking that the man
who printed the railroad flyers had
made a slight mistake. The bill was
evidently intended to read, "Baggage
chucked through."—Boston Transcript.
THE BAXTER TRAGEDY.
Said Mrs. Baxter to her mate,
'; My dear, where shall we rusticate?
At Newport, Long Branch, or Cape May?
At Saratoga, Putin-Bay,
Or where, my dear, I beg you say i"
Then Mr. Baxter heaved a groan,
Anfj answered, in a smothered tone:
" My dear, we cannot, will not roam
By seaside-splash ormountain-gloam—
We'll rusticate this year at home."
Then Mrs. Baxter gave a glare^—
A shriek went out upon the air—
A flash, a crash, a smash, a roar,
A seething, bubbling flood of gore,
And Mr. Baxter was no more.
—Si. Louis Times-Journal
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There is grave apprehension in England as to the potato as well as the
other crops failing.
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